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[deadelfwalking]

 

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"Leave a message, if you must."

image from obliterating <3

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[deadelfwalking]

We don't have time to care.

[highhealplz]

[ His smile is small and humorless. ]

The Church found time to care, and I followed their teachings pretty closely.

[deadelfwalking]

The Holy Light does not dictate such things. It preaches love, optimism. Acceptance. [he shrugs.] But we have no gods to answer to, either. Only ourselves, and the energy we create.

[highhealplz]

[ For once, he just shrugs too. Other religions are generally fascinating to learn about, but they're far from his mind today. ]

Well, in any case, what I was taught was enough to make me stay quiet about my feelings. I wish it'd been otherwise, but... [ but he was kinda a prick, lbr. ]

[deadelfwalking]

No matter. You need not concern yourself. Pursue the woman.

[highhealplz]

[ He's quiet for a few seconds, thinking of Sonya. Specifically, the hurt on her face that he'd never seen before, when he'd told her about Koltira. There's no question that she's in pain, but Koltira... ever stoic, is it insightful or just arrogant to think Koltira would be hiding his own pain?

Maybe this love is more imbalanced than Ashraf had cared to consider. He sighs. ]

I don't know. Maybe I ruined my chances with her — with both of you. [ No one wants to hear they aren't the obvious top choice, right? ]

[deadelfwalking]

[Of course he is. Koltira is nothing but pain; sorrow; etc. But what business is that of anyone else's?]

We never had a chance. I am sure she will forgive you in time.

[highhealplz]

[ He thinks he could have argued that, were his heart not so divided. But as it is, it just hurts to hear. (Then again, isn't it time for a little pain of his own? It's only what he deserves, by now.)

But, selfishly, he can't just leave it at this. So he leans forward and up, tipping his head to kiss Koltira one more time — one last time, maybe. It's tentative, he expects Koltira to pull away any second. ]

[deadelfwalking]

[Koltira's so surprised that he leans into the kiss -- Ashraf is warm and present and it's not like Koltira doesn't like affection, doesn't crave touch as much as the next person -- but then he yanks his head away; scowls.

For the first time, his voice is raw and upset.]

I have loved you for days upon days. But you are meant for the living. Go to the living. Go.

[highhealplz]

[ He falls back again when Koltira pulls away, irrationally hurt, and all the more unhappy for the change in Koltira's voice. Thinking that Koltira wouldn't feel this — that's just trying to soothe his own conscience, isn't it? But there's nothing he can do to ease this pain, no spell to make it go away, no kind words to ease his mind. It's that thought more than anything else that makes tears prick at the corners of his eyes.

He drops his gaze, a teleportation spell at the tip of his tongue. ]

I'm sorry, Koltira.

[deadelfwalking]

[Koltira just sets his jaw, with a 'like hell you are' look on his face, and says nothing.]

[highhealplz]

[ There's nothing more he can do or say; anything now would just worsen things. He can't stop himself from reaching out a hand, though. Fingers graze lightly over the plating over Koltira's chest — and then he's gone, with just a rapidly fading circle of blue fire to show where he'd stood. It's a cowardly escape, but he can't think of any alternatives. ]